Okay to Love Again
by Solora Goldsun
Summary: (Spoilers for "Age of Resistance" and "Flames of the Dark Crystal.") As Rian begins his journey to figure out how to heal the Crystal, he has a heart-to-heart with Gurjin concerning his feelings for Deet.


**Hey, everyone! I wanted to write a fluffy Deet/Rian fic, and trust me when I say that is on its way. However, I really wanted to type something that addresses the elephant in the room with this ship, and figured that a heartfelt conversation between two best friends was a good way to get these thoughts across. I honestly love the friendship between Rian and Gurjin, and am always happy to delve into it.**

**Enjoy!**

Rian's mind was roiling like swamp water in a Nebrie's wake. Even as he walked, he couldn't stop thinking about his last sight of Deet.

He had caught up to her in the forest and, after a horrible moment when his feet refused to move, he cut apart the purple-veined branches that tried to block him, and hurried to his friend's side. Despite her protests, he brought her back to the others, where Naia immediately set to work trying to heal her. She had urged Rian and Gurjin to stick with their original plan to stake out the Castle, assuring them that Deet would be safe in her care.

Rian trusted Naia completely, and he knew that Deet was in the most capable hands possible. Still, he felt as if he would carry that image of her lying on a grassy bed, twitching with pain as purple veins pulsed beneath her pale skin, forever.

"Hey, Rian! Rian!" Gurjin called. "Did you hear me?"

"What?" Rian stopped, glancing over his shoulder.

"I said we should probably make camp for the night," Gurjin said as he caught up. "We shouldn't make a fire, just to be safe."

"Ah, right." Rian nodded. "Let's start looking for a spot."

The two eventually found a place in the lee of a large tree, surrounded by tall grass. There, they sat and ate a meal of dried fruit and meat. Gurjin glanced at his friend's pensive face.

"Worried about Deet?" he ventured. He had seen the poor Grottan when he said a last goodbye to his sister. It hadn't looked good, but he was confident that Naia would be able to cure her.

"Huh?" Rian started slightly as he was drawn from his thoughts. His shoulders slumped, and he nodded.

"It's okay," Gurjin assured him. "If anyone can help her, it's Naia. She's the greatest healer in our clan, and she's helped other darkened creatures. Helping another Gelfling will be easy."

"I hope you're right," Rian sighed. "I just don't want-" He stopped abruptly and looked away, his ears flattening.

Gurjin moved closer, touching Rian's arm gently. "You don't want to lose her. I get it."

Rian looked at Gurjin's hand for a moment, then lightly placed his own hand over it, drawing strength from the firm confidence he could feel there. It was good to have his best friend back. Still, his thoughts kept returning to Deet.

They weren't just thoughts of her darkened state, or general worry about what would come next. There were also thoughts of that moment she had found him in the forest, smiling and unafraid. There were thoughts of her face lighting up as she talked about her home in Domrak. There were thoughts about her arms around him as they flew together.

"Is there something wrong with me?" he asked suddenly, letting his hand fall.

"Huh?" Gurjin lowered his hand and tilted his head. "What do you mean?"

"I can't stop worrying about her, even though I know she's in the best place she can be," Rian muttered. "I want to be with her, protecting her. I want…"

He rubbed his eyes irritably. "I don't know _what_ I want!" That was a lie, of course.

Gurjin's face softened with understanding. "I think I do. I've seen that look before."

"Yeah," Rian sighed. "When I thought about Mira."

He clenched his fists in his lap, words falling out of his mouth like an avalanche. "It's wrong, isn't it? It has to be wrong to feel this way so soon! I loved Mira, and I still do! It's been unum since her death, but it still feels like a raw wound. I shouldn't even be _looking_ at anyone else right now, and I definitely shouldn't be feeling this way so soon after meeting someone!"

He looked pleadingly at Gurjin, tears prickling the corners of his eyes. "Is love really that easy to replace, or am I just…_broken_, somehow?"

Gurjin slowly sat back, his shoulders pressing against the tree trunk as he folded his arms. His first instinct was to comfort his friend, but he knew that that wasn't what Rian needed. What he needed was some Drenchen hard-talk.

"I've never been in love," Gurjin started. "So, I can't tell you much about that. But I'll tell you what I _do_ know about you: You're the type to fall in love hard and fast." A smile quirked at the corner of his mouth. "I think it took you a day to fall for Mira."

Rian chuckled softly, remembering the first day he had seen the beautiful Vapran during training. "It was much less than that." He shook himself. "But that was different. I wasn't mourning anyone else."

"Don't forget we're in a war," Gurjin pointed out. "Feelings tend to deepen a lot quicker when you could die any day." He glanced to the side. "I saw it happen with my sister and Amri. I actually tried to stop them from getting together, because I didn't want them to go through the pain you're going through."

Rian's ears twitched curiously. "Were they mad?"

"No," Gurjin said. "They understood where I was coming from, but I was wrong. You need to find whatever happiness you can, especially now." He looked Rian in the eye. "If Deet makes you happy, there's nothing wrong with wanting to be with her, especially if she feels the same way."

"But Mira-"

"Okay, Rian," Gurjin cut in. "Imagine this: What if things had been switched?"

"Switched?"

"Yeah. What if you had been drained, and Mira had survived."

Rian thought about it for a moment. "I don't know. She probably would've handled this whole thing a lot better…"

Gurjin thumped his friend soundly on the head. "Shut up, you're doing great!"

"Ow…" Rian groaned, rubbing his brow.

"Anyway," Gurjin continued. "Imagine Mira was the one who lived, the one who went through all you went through, and the one who met Deet."

"Okay…" Rian nodded slowly. He couldn't stop a bittersweet smile from forming as he imagined Mira meeting Deet. _I'm sure they would have been friends…_

"Now, what if Mira had fallen in love with Deet?" Gurjin asked. "What would you want her to do? Would you want her to move on with her life and be happy, while still carrying your memory in her heart? Or, would you want her to ignore her feelings because she feels guilty for having them?"

Rian's answer was immediate. "I'd want her to be happy." For the first time since his brooding thoughts began, his heart felt a little lighter. "Thank you, Gurjin."

Gurjin grinned. "Anytime." He pulled Rian into a brief but firm hug, feeling some of the tension leaving his friend's shoulders as he drew back. "Now, let's focus on figuring out how to heal the Crystal. After that, we can go to Sog and check on Deet. You can decide how you feel and what you want to do then."

"All right." Rian nodded resolutely. "Why don't you go ahead and sleep? I'll take the first watch."

"Well, since you're offering…" Gurjin stretched out in the grass, letting out a wide yawn. "Wake me up when you get tired."

"I will." Rian watched as his friend drifted off, then turned his attention toward his surroundings. The night was quiet.

He ran his fingers through the dirt he sat in. Underneath that soil were the Crystal veins, along with the essence of every Gelfling who had ever died.

He thought of Mira, whose essence was in the bellies of the Skeksis. His stomach twisted.

_We'll find a way to return you to Thra, Mira,_ he vowed. _You'll be at peace._

For a moment, Rian imagined a far-distant future, one when everyone he knew, including himself, would be returned to Thra, their essences mingling in the earth, air, water, fire, shadow, light, and lightning. Him, Mira, Deet, Gurjin… Everyone would be together and part of everything around them.

Another, larger smile came to his face. _We'll all be together in the end,_ he thought._ So, we'd best enjoy our time while we have it._

He placed his hand over his heart, a heart that held a great deal of agony and fear, but also love. There was the strong, deep love for Mira, the firm, brotherly love for Gurjin, the regret-tinged love for his late father, and the new, gentle, growing love he felt for Deet. There were so many others as well, too many to count.

He let himself feel that love washing over him, let himself believe that it was okay to feel the way he did, and let himself hope that everything would actually turn out the way it should.

Then, he lowered his hand, steeled his gaze, and continued his watch.

**There's been some controversy concerning how Rian seems to be falling for Deet so soon after Mira's death. As someone who has read the books, I can assure you that a decent amount of time passed between Mira's death and the battle in Stone-in-the-Wood, even if it doesn't seem that way in the show. It wasn't just a few days. Also, I genuinely feel that Deet and Rian would be good for each other, and that their relationship will be one that allows Rian to heal while still holding onto his memories of Mira. (Until the Garthim Wars, but let's not think about that now.)**

**I really hope that Naia's bookverse powers exist in **_**Age of Resistance**_**, as that would make Deet's life way easier! I need my precious Grottan daughter to be happy and healthy again!**

**Anyway, I'll see you with another fic in the near future. Peace out!**


End file.
